which way is happiness?

on life not having clear directions

sometimes i like to think about how modern technology has taken us away from our biological evolution. for example “sky grief” : the tragic phenomenon of our collective growing depression due to light pollution preventing us from seeing the stars.

or how social media contorts our views to think 10 people “liking” something means nothing, when in reality if ten people complimented you on the street, you would be having the best day, ever.

today while sweating in my hot yoga class (very la, i know) my teacher said something that struck me. already now i can’t quite remember his exact words, but it was something akin to “it’s about heading in the right direction” which made me think of another favorite phrase of mine that i picked up in al-anon “progress, not perfection.” then this all made me think of google maps.

i don’t know how old all of you are that are reading this email, but at 35 i am old enough to remember the transition from the big book of maps you had in your car, to printing mapquest directions, to belkin gps, to google maps etc. and thinking about how technology can negatively affect us, or skew us away from our biology, i was thinking about how dangerous it has become to constantly have the optimum, most direct way to wherever you’re going, at the tip of your fingers. not so much navigationally speaking, but more metaphorically, how that luxury might have begun to seep into our psyche.

you see we might seem to think that like a GPS, when it comes to our lives there is some cosmic optimum route that we are just not tapping into. that every branching choice is an opportunity to do better, to pick the perfect path, that will lead us to supreme, ultimate unending happiness.

lol, no. i used to think that, but then my dad died suddenly in a pandemic and i realized life was beautiful, quick, terrible, and random. but still, sometimes i can feel capitalism creeping on me telling me to achieve fast, good, and THE BEST.

but speaking only from my own experience, especially in the last few years, i don’t think this is how life works. there is no perfect path, no GPS in the sky waiting to beam you down exact directions. i think navigating life is probably a lot more like it was for our ancient ancestors. starring up into the sky, looking for a marker, and traveling in the general direction they needed to go.

so which way is happiness? which way is peace? well it’s probably not 300 yards, past the next stoplight, and a left in the far most left turn lane. most likely you’ll land on your happiness by trying, paying attention, and deciding if something feels good or not. if it does, keep heading that way. if it doesn’t, turn around.

that is what my gender therapist told me about my gender journey when i was in the midst of panicking, attempting to discover the answer to all of my questions about gender all at once. she took a deep breathe, told me to do the same, and told me to keep heading in the direction of my bliss— that would be my compass. do i like having short hair? good, then keep it. do I like going by different pronouns? good, then keep them. simple as that.

and maybe happiness is the same, or more importantly, peace is the same. because happiness is fleeting. maybe peace is towards the things, people, and experiences that make us feel more like ourselves. and maybe those things are littered all along the general direction of the way were heading. and therefore it’s not so important to know exactly where it is we’re heading.

i hope you’re well, genuinely.

thanks for reading,

ash